STUBBORN

why sin ... don't we sin to stay alive ... why smoke when dying of lung cancer ... or drink the morning after when alcohol is killing you ... if I'm going to die let death come on his own time in the meantime I'll live ... I know when I'm dying ... I've done it before ... sometimes you need a sharp eye to catch it but it's me dying almost invisibly ... there's no one else to arrest but it should have been me ... in the corner killing myself ... obsessed and self-indulgent self-murdering ... in public preaching the false gospel taciturn but vocal by example ... silent but a philosopher by implication and a ruinous one ... sin ... sin ...I do it to stay me ... to kill grace in movement and conception ... to save myself till they pay me out ... the wages of sin ... death by death till it kills you ... sin ... sin ... sin ... to the last since in me ... since it's mine to decide I'll do it as I say ... mine to have or to have stolen ... my life ... my will ... my way