normal life is gaining faculties that in old age and death we are meant to lose ... in one sense it's this loss that dominates ... call that sense the beginner's ... in another sense it's the gain that's dominant ... not the gain before the loss but the gain we get from the loss ... I mean the gain from the lesson in time if gain at all there is ... I mean the lesson on how to beat pride ... the final proficiency of the proficient ... it never was mine but to use well whatever that good thing was which I thought was mine and reflected on me so well ... letting the last false one die ... false modesty ... not false because it's true but because it's beside the point ... false because it's about you and we're not talking about you now are we ... that's the first lesson ... I got this body and now I know how it works and how to make it work but now in its failings it's rapidly becoming not mine ... I got this idea and the skill on how to turn it but in turning it I see how fine it is ... and even in the skill I see it turning with a will not mine ... and all that was mine ... I mean me that is ... turns in that will too
cf garrigou-lagrange, the three conversions in the spiritual life, ch 5
No comments:
Post a Comment