I WANTED TO KNOW

I find it hard usually to think clearly ... hard to speak simply ... and hardest of all to remember ... it may be part of an original misconception that the language I spoke to myself when most intimately alone was private ... but of course all my secrets could be told ... and in a sense had been told already ... if not in detail then certainly in type ... just the use of language betrays my solitude pulls me back into the crowd ... hence my amnesia pulling back ... trying to get away ... if I can't remember the name I'm already passing it by ... isn't a word that's not tainted ... every one seeks a response ... philia philia we tell them to you in love ... sharp eyed with a precise tongue it makes us friends that we play the game together ... keeps us alert and engaged ... when we lose interest we have the one option only ... and we hope to do it soundly ... I don't know that we do want thereafter to wake with alertness ... it's a pleasure that almost shames me ... the skill that comes from practice ... the thoughts of others more virtuous ... their actions complete in wisdom and will ... while I turn and ask him where did you say you were from

mccabe on aquinas ch 7; john 19:9