to us it's all a matter of technique ... if I know how to do it I am it ... at least as long as I want to be ... but what if there's something wrong with this and the more successful I am at doing things the greater the distance grows between subject and predicate ... between me and my success ... identity can't be built on practice or technical know-how ... I have an internal sense telling me I was here before my nature ... otherwise there was nothing to know ... no way to be ... nothing to say ... don't get me wrong I know once we are there's plenty to do ... and wonderful to see connections and causes all the way through ... right turns left turns wrong turns ... advances and retreats ... but falling back in one of these last you can turn down a culvert to hide till the enemy pass ... all your disaffected relations ...till they disappear over the hill ... and you're alone isolated and cut off ... isn't this the point to learn when there's nothing left least of all you ... which will it be then ... less than nothing or more than everything ... if here's the space all things start ... before anything is new
mccabe god matters p59; kreeft ycuot 96-97; compendium 71
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