judas was the one in the twelve that should not have taken the bread ... right after he took it satan followed it in ... he ate the bread but he must have known it wouldn't agree with him ... we don't think enough of what he meant to do ... if he knew who jesus was how could he have turned him in ... with the first communion living within him he let a murderer in to kill it ... you can kill the eternal word judas showed us how ... but did he know what he was doing ... he certainly had a change of mind soon after ... was the betrayer betrayed ... did they lead him on ... or was death just a figure to him an image in his mind and the death of just one more prophet in particular just another way to spur things on ... or was it something else entirely not a mistake in premise or logic but a subtle wilfull failure to attend ... to kill the truth not by rope or cross but by not listening ... to kill the eternal living word by figuring something else out while you heard it ... to say no by not paying attention ... losing the chance to believe by being too busy to think of it
john 13: 26-27; mccabe god and evil 69
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