I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW

I'm still having trouble with the word understanding ... I still don't understand it ... when they say got it? I say no ... I know when I understand something because my mind stops telling me to ask questions ... and if it has to do with something to do I start doing it ... especially then I don't have time to stop and ask what just happened ... I'm already on the move ... and when later I try to remember what I did when I understood there's no space left between the attempt and the understanding for me to see anything ... the gap is seamless ... I know what my face must look like ... I've seen the look on other faces when suddenly a person understands ... but that of course is too late ... past the fact ... there seems to be no time allowed for the understanding to do its thing ... it's too quick to be fast ... an electron makes its quantum leap from orbit to orbit ... there it was now it's there ... with no time between the was and the now ... a leap of faith I'd say ... as soon as announced it's already done ... not I will believe ... I already do ... when did it happen ... sometime before I said I would ... I don't know when ... I once was blind but now I see