WITHOUT GRACE

my neck is stiff ... how many years can I have to live without my body dying under me ... my days are wasted it's all I can do to leave the house go to the store and buy a liter of soda ... you can talk to me all you want and as long as you want about spirit and vigor ... I'm just not interested ... tell me why ... tell me how damaging my attitude how further self-depressing it must be ... I don't care ... you think I'm here lethargic not giving myself anything to do but you're wrong ... I'm very busy here on my inside trying to figure how in the hell I got into this mess ... I can't bring myself to do the dishes or take the garbage out or brush my teeth or cut my hair ... I'm too busy telling the recording angel I think I've lost my way ... or riding shotgun in the car watching the little lake passing by and saying where'd all the meaning go ... I have a sense of wonder but I can't bring my finger to my nose ... I hear what I should object to I just don't have the desire to speak about it ... I hear what they're saying ... the premises are true the argument is valid and still the conclusion is false ... what is this ... bad luck or someone just always telling me no